Jokes

Pixguy

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep ****."
 

Mace Canute

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1. What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig?
The letter F

2. A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus. While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. “What’s that there for?” he asks. Jesus says “that’s Mother Teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied.” “Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s clock?” asks the man.
Jesus answers: “It’s in my office, I’m using it as a ceiling fan.”

3. What did Trump rename the Presidential plane? Hair Force One!

4. Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.

5. What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?
Snow White Supremacist.

6. Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail. They find three parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.”

7. Why does Donald Trump take anti-depressants?
For Hispanic attacks!

8. Trump’s medical records were just released.

According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

9. What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?
The back of his head.

10. What does Trumps hair and a thong have in common?
They both barely cover the •••hole.

11. The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned in towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!” So, the Pope slapped him.

12. Want to hear a racist joke? Donald Trump.

13. Sometimes Trump went way too far. Like when he deported a printer because it didn’t have papers.

14. Why are Trump’s ties so long? Because they go all the way to Russia.

15. Why can’t Trump stay in the White House anymore? Because it’s for Biden!
 

lostcreekranch

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1. What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig?
The letter F

2. A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus. While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. “What’s that there for?” he asks. Jesus says “that’s Mother Teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied.” “Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s clock?” asks the man.
Jesus answers: “It’s in my office, I’m using it as a ceiling fan.”

3. What did Trump rename the Presidential plane? Hair Force One!

4. Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.

5. What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?
Snow White Supremacist.

6. Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail. They find three parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two left. Donald Trump took my backpack.”

7. Why does Donald Trump take anti-depressants?
For Hispanic attacks!

8. Trump’s medical records were just released.

According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

9. What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?
The back of his head.

10. What does Trumps hair and a thong have in common?
They both barely cover the •••hole.

11. The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned in towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!" Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!” So, the Pope slapped him.

12. Want to hear a racist joke? Donald Trump.

13. Sometimes Trump went way too far. Like when he deported a printer because it didn’t have papers.

14. Why are Trump’s ties so long? Because they go all the way to Russia.

15. Why can’t Trump stay in the White House anymore? Because it’s for Biden!
Are you totally incapable of not crapping on every thread with your TDS? Or just absolutely .. zero self control?
 

Gator6x4

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Are you totally incapable of not crapping on every thread with your TDS? Or just absolutely .. zero self control?
He posts Trump Jokes. You post Biden Memes. Let's see what is the difference........................still thinking................still thinking...........It appears this will take some time. Get back later.
 

lostcreekranch

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He posts Trump Jokes. You post Biden Memes. Let's see what is the difference........................still thinking................still thinking...........It appears this will take some time. Get back later.
“Jokes” ???

They weren’t jokes .. just more sad TDS addled non-humor in a thread entitled .. “JOKES”.
 

JerryBob

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What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
 

JerryBob

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Did you know that Matt Gaetz once gave guitar lesson? He got arrested for fingering a minor.
 

JerryBob

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A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her s ex life.
Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"

He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."

Then she says, "And the *** life?"

He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
 

Mace Canute

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After being advised to put trade tariffs on China and aluminium, Donald Trump said he’d heard of China but asked which continent was Aluminium on?

After endless negotiations with North and South Korea, Trump remarked that East and West Korea must be much more peaceful as he never heard from them.

After the Roosevelt Room and the Lincoln Bedroom, Donald Trump said his favourite room in the White House was the Oval Office. He thought that President Oval was a ‘really really great President.’

After visiting Canada for a meeting of the G7, Donald Trump remarked that it was ‘a really great overseas trip’.

Donald Trump wanted to arm teachers, which is crazy, because if Donald Trump’s teachers had been armed, we probably wouldn’t hear his stupid opinions on this issue.

Trump hates the first amendment, loves the second amendment, and has no idea what the third amendment is.

Iran reminded North Korea not to trust Donald Trump, which is exactly what Marla Maples told Melania.

Donald Trump’s trouble with Stormy Daniels all started after his personal lawyer paid the **** star $130,000. The payment was flagged as suspicious by banking authorities. Suspicious, because someone actually got paid as promised by Donald Trump.
 

JerryBob

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Why are ca mels called ships on Lost Creek Ranch?

Because they are filled with Twig's seman. .
 
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